When I say I’m doing well, I mean I am feeling so raw that words of truth will disarm me and the tears will never stop.

When I say I’m doing okay, I mean I am overwhelmed with everything and nothing and am completely at a loss to describe it to you.

When I say I’m overwhelmed, I mean I can’t stop eating sugar and wheat, even when I feel bloated and nauseous and full.

When I say I’m hanging in there, I mean I’m trying to find my way back to hope while slogging through unspeakable loneliness.

When I say I love my life, I mean I want to love my life and I am grateful I get the chance to try.

When I say I’m happy for you, I mean I am conflicted with feelings of joy and envy and intense sadness.

When I say I miss you, I mean I’m scared you will forget me.

When I say I’m thinking of you, I mean I’m thinking of us together and feeling unbearably sad that we are apart in this way at this time.

~devon ervin (2020)